Resistance is Phutile

Bloody Mondays.

Official confirmation dropped through the letterbox this morning:

Dear Mr Phu,

we regret we will not be able to determine the overall results of your studies. We shall, however, provide you with a letter to any prospective employer, explaining that you do not have a degree.

Well, as helpful as that might prove, I can't help but feel a little pissed off at the fact I've spent the last four years pouring thousands of pounds into your institution, money not gifted me by super-rich parents but earned bit by bit, five nights a week, behind bars, in pub kitchens, and on building sites. That you are so gracefully prepared to write me a pretty letter for any prospective employer is all very well, but not exactly what I had envisioned as the fruit of my endeavours four years ago. Don't worry though, it's not like I can sue you or anything. Let's face it, you made sure I couldn't afford that when you siphoned the five grand tuition fees you've charged me from my bank account.



Stroll in the pub for a couple of late night drinks with the better half. Tired, not feeling very well really. Shake hands with the guv'nor, acknowledge the pair he's talking to. Stand at the bar, say hello to the girls working and order the beers. Shake hands with the fellas, there's only two about, one visibly drunk. This one enthusiatically engineers a conversation regarding the potential for me to work in politics. I'm not in the mood to be honest, but your man perserveres with me. A close friend of some influential politicians, he introduced me to the idea of becoming a political assistant a week or so ago. But now he wants convincing of my passion. The thing is, he hasn't actually explained much of what the role consists of. He asks me what my favourite television programme is, but warns me not to tell him just what I think he wants to hear. I haven't really got one, but I do watch Have I Got News For You, which he advises me to watch excitedly. I don't think he even believes I watch it. Can't see why, it's not likely to turn up on the application form is it?

I can see the interviewer now:

"So, as I can see from this pretty letter, you don't actually have a degree, nor any experience which could have been gained in the last four years if you weren't wasting your time with university. But you watch Have I Got News For You? Splendid. When can you start?"

posted by Phu @ 11:16 am